So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
