you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
