i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
