Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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