Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
