I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
