remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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