@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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