Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
