@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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