I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
