Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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