$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
