He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
