took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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