I've blown a few things in my day
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
