I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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