Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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