He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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