Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
