He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
