Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Randomize
