she was so not down for the gang bang
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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