I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
