Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
