Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
