M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
