i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
