Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
