I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
