If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
