Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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