Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
