I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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