I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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