Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
