he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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