I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
