Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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