I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
