Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
