Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize