I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
