Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
