did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize