areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
