At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
