just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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