Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
third nipple confirmed
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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