Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
