He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
4 words: hood of his car
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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