im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
