she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
