You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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