i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
