now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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