when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
