Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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