Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize