no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
