I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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