Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
