five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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