Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
