My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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