After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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