So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
