Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
