I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize