dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Randomize
