Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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