Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
