He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
